How to be an adult: tips from successful adults.

Law school ended about a month ago.

During this long break, I tried to convince myself that I was unbothered and I would not panic, but deep down, I knew that I was scared.

You see, I sent job applications upon job applications upon job applications upon job applications and I got actual feedback from 2 out of probably 100 firms, both of which were the sweetest rejections I’ve ever received.

So, let’s just say I was in my feelings a lot. Life didn’t seem to be so definite and secure anymore. I did not know what was next for me… for real. I felt like I was living each day without knowing who I was anymore. I could not seem to find the motivation to do anything; I felt alone.

When I eventually got around to talking to some of my friends, I realized we were almost all going through the same feelings, albeit at varying degrees. Imagine battling with worries and fears, each of us thinking the other wouldn’t understand when in fact, we were in the same boat.

I decided to write; and here I am, but, I can hardly give anyone advice when I don’t know what I’m doing, can I?

So guess what?

I reached out to a number of people who have one thing in common: they’re all doing super awesome in their chosen fields. We have lawyers, accountants, technology experts, bloggers, actors, entrepreneurs… I tried to be as inclusive as possible to ensure that there’s something for everyone.

I asked these amazing people one question:

If there’s one word of advice you could give to someone fresh out of school and trying to put his/her life together, what would it be?

The replies I got were intense. I have gained so much insight from working on this project that I literally could not wait to share it with you!

(You may want to get a notepad and a pen)

Binjo:

Be open to opportunities that you don’t even think you’re interested in; be open minded. You have plenty time to do plenty things. 

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Ken:

No one has it figured out… Some people do have it clear but mostly people don’t have it figured out.

I think you should ask yourself a couple of questions

1. What do I want?
Break down what you want. Often times, looking at the big picture brings that feeling of been lost or confused…but breaking the steps and process helps you focus on one goal at a time and, while pursuing those individual goals, you find out at the end that you have done so well for yourself and you will then look like you had it figured out when you didn’t.

2. Get rid of ANY stress triggers. Your sanity and mental health is of utmost importance this period. Try hard to be positive…. would be tough but try.

Positivity will help you with clarity. So do you and forget what other people are doing.

DO YOU!
All your focus should be on YOU. This would help you focus on what your plans are without external pressure.

FT:

It’s okay not to have it all figured out. The truth is most of us don’t.

Elo:

You need to find something you absolutely love to do and that you can build upon to make you money. But first off do it for the passion, then the money will roll in.
If it’s writing, acting, trading, whatever, as long as it makes you happy.
I’ve passed through that point too; I was lost. I had my creativity but no way to monetize, but I just kept going.
Do things differently, do things that scare you; eventually you’ll find yourself.

Ziiza:

I have been done with school for about 4 years now and tbh I still get that feeling sometimes.

It is not necessarily something that just goes away at once. Whatever you feel like doing, try to do it. If you need a break, catch a break. If you want to venture into 10 things do it. Try (because it’s easier said than done) not to compare.
Stay away from things/people that drain you.

Volqx:

Life after school especially when there’s less support from friends and family can be daunting, some days you feel like you are alone and nothing is working other days it seems rosy and you feel you are on track .
Reassure yourself that same way you overcame those difficult exams during Uni days, you would also overcome this phase.
Take everyday as it comes, create a schedule, gym, run, take days off to cater for yourself no matter how small.
Pray, if you are religious, hold unto God or your hope for better tomorrow and you will soon start seeing the major changes mentally.
Don’t get overwhelmed and think you are alone. Always remember 1001 people are going through worse and they keep moving because there’s a greater reward awaiting in hope & persistence.

Vee:

Relax.

Try taking things as they come; each day focus on what you want to do that would make you happy, make memories with friends, laugh a lot; it actually helps lol.

It’s the same for everyone, you’re human, but consciously making efforts to adjust (staying jiggy) would make this phase bearable rather than you feeling miserable.

Temi:

Your life has not started. Life is long and full of twists, no need to hurry into them.

It’s understandable if you feel empty or useless at this stage. I know I felt empty for a while after law school because I wasn’t used to having nothing to do or not having a plan.

What I did eventually to give myself a sense of purpose was to apply to a small firm that was willing to take me without law school result. I knew inside me it was only temporary.

I worked with them while I applied to other places that I wanted…until law school results were released and call to bar etc.

Basically, try to give yourself a sense of purpose one way or the other. Commit to something while waiting to figure things out.

Kayode:

Choose happiness.
Intentionally build and maintain relationships.
Interact.
Keep seeking knowledge.
Take actions on your dreams
Collaborate.
Seek for a support system, (in whatever name you may call it: Mentor, Guide, Instructor etc.)
Take action on your goals.
Love.
Take number one and choose it all over again and be Happy.

Life is all but once, a choice must be made to live it in its entirety.

I’ll go on to include a word my friend, Fifs, left me with;

Turn your uncertainty into excitement about what the future holds.
Know that God has a plan for you and God is good, therefore, God’s plan for you is good.

Relax and trust God.
Guard your heart, avoid negative vibes, find inspiration.

You’re not alone; you’re never alone. Whatever you feel, however you feel, it’s not just you.

I had been suffering in silence, with no idea how to move past my feeling of despondency… until I got in touch with these people; they gave the best advice ever and filled me with so much optimism!

I sincerely hope that this post is what someone needs and that you find all the motivation you need in these words. I hope that you keep these words close to your heart and, whenever you begin to doubt again, you revisit them.

I’ve received so much from the amazing people up there and I’m the most grateful because they took time out of their extremely busy schedules to give the answers to unasked questions.

Thank you so so much; for being there for everyone who needed this.

I’ll leave you with the words of my friend Rocky;

Maintain the energy of the uptimes during the downtimes.

Everything will turn out okay.

If you’d like to add a message or ask a question,  I’ll be in the comment section.

Stay jiggy. (Thank you Vee, for this line😂)

Love,

P.s. You can check out similar posts by clicking the links below:

• Who should make the first move?
• Does your partner’s opinion about your hair matter?
• How do you know if your partner is your forever love?